by David Todd McCarty | Tuesday, November 15, 2016
I had to make a change. It was all getting too dark. Too angry. So little hope. I was running full force down a dark alley with no choice but to run headfirst into the brick wall at the end.
I’m looking for a way back out now from the dark alley and I’ll attempt to start with people. Too much time on my own perhaps. It’s hard because I’m an introvert and too many people make me uncomfortable.
I’ve embarked on a new journey towards a mystic’s understanding of Christianity. I’ve pretty much walked away from God in recent years because the theology I was taught seemed hateful, bigoted, ridiculous and petty. But what I’m reading is pretty fascinating stuff and nothing like what we were taught as children with God as this big scary guy with a clipboard marking down your short comings. I don’t understand it enough to explain it yet, but suffice it to say I’m interested. That’s a start. If that doesn’t work out I might try Buddhism. For now I’m gonna give God another shot. See if He’s got anything up his sleeve?
I need some sort of hope.
The whole concept of Angry Dave, while entertaining to many of you, and often far too comfortable for me, seems unsustainable, at least in its current incarnation. Not to get too nerdy, but I felt a bit like Luke Skywalker, torn between the Force and the Dark side. I was careening too quickly towards the Dark Side and it wasn’t good. Some of you were cheering me on the way a crowd might encourage a man on a ledge to “jump” simply for the spectacle of it all. And I can create quite a spectacle, I’m sure. But no more.
That doesn’t mean I won’t still have strong opinions about social justice, religion, politics or etiquette. But I’m going to tone down the rhetoric and try to hold my rage in check.
I will continue writing, directing and taking pictures. But I have to get out of the instant feedback loop which has become far too addictive to me. I still look at my phone out of habit, but Facebook was a huge problem. I’ve deleted it. It was too constant. Radio Angry Dave broadcasting and responding 18 hours a day. Can’t imagine how that would be a problem. Sigh.
In the meantime, I’ll be posting pieces here about subjects that interest me. I hope to retain my humor without maybe quite so much anger.
Stop by and comment so I don’t feel so alone.
And please share this with my friends on social media so they know where to find me.
— Angry Dave